Bea del Rio in BeautyHealthPreen

Conversations with my bipolar best friend

I’ve known Violet* since we were 12. I have always considered her a non-negotiable in my life. When we were going through the angsty teenager phase, and whenever we’re feeling “emo”—yes, even past that phase—we turn to each other, and there was never any feeling of judgement between us. We were dorm-mates in high school, and housemates in college. Our college life—well, it’s complicated. Long story short, Violet decided not to pursue her degree. It’s not that she didn’t try. It just that, it didn’t work out. Unfortunately, we’ve lost touch, because, well, life. But we’ve been seeing each other more often again now. She’s currently living with her family, and it’s pretty obvious she’s become a doting tita to her nephew, who resides with them. We talk about him a lot. She also tells me she plans to study foreign languages, an undertaking she’s excited about. She’s so creative and passionate, especially about music (she writes her own songs), and I hate to see the world miss out on what she can offer. See in 2013, Violet was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a mental health condition defined by periods of extreme mood disturbances that affects her thoughts and behavior.

There are actually two main types of bipolar disorders: bipolar I and bipolar II. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, bipolar I disorder “involves episodes of severe mania and often depression, while bipolar II disorder involves a less severe form of mania called hypomania.” Violet is classified as bipolar I.

Two years ago—and I remember this, because as I mentioned, we were roommates—the symptoms appeared. She couldn’t sleep, there were times she felt extreme euphoria or experienced sudden, overwhelming bursts of energy, as well as impuslively do things that were reckless or risky. We would talk about morbid topics like death and suicide, and she confessed she sometimes experienced hallucinations or delusions. That time, we—her group of friends—had no idea what was happening. Yes, we were aware about the concept of depression and mental illness, but it was still fairly foreign to us. We all knew there was something wrong, but didn’t know how to deal with it. If we felt lost and helpless, I can just imagine how Violet felt. To this day, I still regret not doing more for her during that period in our lives. It was only after one particularly harrowing incident, and the urging of her other set of friends, that she finally decided to see someone. After talking to a professional, only then did she learn she was going through a manic episodes.

Mental illnesses are severely misunderstood. I’m glad we’re talking about it now, but there is still a heavy stigma around it. Violet told me about a particular thing she did while on a manic episode which she deeply regrets (no she wasn’t violent or anything like that—that’s one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding the disorder. She’s never harmed anyone in her life.) To this day, she said she still goes back to that particular event, and it has had a significant impact on her life, to the point that it’s stopping her from having relationships with other people. She was crying as she told me, “Ayoko nang mangyari siya ulit.” (I don’t wan’t it to happen again.) When we were talking, I could sense the fear was real, it was almost tangible. She was somehow afraid of herself, and her illness. “[Ganito] ka f*cked up magkaroon ng mental illness na akala ng iba nag-iinarte ka lang,” she said. (This is how f*cked up it is to have a mental illness which most people assume is just a made-up thing.”)

Nag-iinarte lang. That certainly is one of the things people associate to those with mental illness. There was another thing Violet mentioned that stuck with me: that most people think of it as a “pang-mayaman na sakit.” It’s as if the disability is nothing more than a first-world problem spoiled kids make up as an excuse to get out of commitments or something. The truth is, it affects all people, but yes, not everyone thinks they’re “privileged enough” to acknowledge it. Most people are somehow aware of it, but believe they can’t afford to slow down and prioritize their mental health because they have “more important” things to think about—like providing for their family, for one. And even for people like Violet, who belongs to the middle-class, and is supported by her family, there’s still the guilt of being a burden to her family. Like other illnesses, treatment requires time, endless understanding and patience, and financial capacity, after all.

Though Very Well Mind notes that “treatment of bipolar I disorder is highly individualized and based on the types and severity of symptoms a person may be experiencing,” There are essential medications needed like mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. And then of course, there’s the consultation with a doctor, and for some, the need to check in to a rehabilitation facility. Thankfully, with the newly signed Mental Health Law, persons with mental health needs are now provided access to psychiatric, psychosocial, and neurologic services in regional, provincial, and tertiary hospitals.

“Every day, seven Filipinos turn to suicide. One in five Filipino adults also suffers from a form of mental disorder. The Mental Health Law cements the government’s commitment to a more holistic approach to healthcare: without sound mental health, there can be no genuine physical health,” Sen. Loren Legarda, who co-authored the bill, said.

As bipolar disorder is officially recognized as a psychosocial disability, those who are afflicted can apply for a PWD ID. People with post-traumatic stress disorder and schizophrenia are also among those entitled to certain privileges and incentives like a 20 percent discount on medicines and medical and dental services, establishments like hotels, restaurants and recreation centers, transportation services including domestic air and sea travel, and even educational assistance. These will be made available once these requirements are met: a) an identification card issued by the city or municipal mayor or the barangay captain of the place where the persons with disability resides; b) The passport of the persons with disability concerned; or c) Transportation discount fare Identification Card (ID) issued by the National Council for the Welfare of Disabled Persons (NCWDP).

Violet, who has obtained her PWD ID since 2016, said it’s been a great help. Initially, she said she was seeing a private doctor from the province, and every consultation was at P500. She now goes to PGH, where consultation is free (she tells me she always sees tons of people from all ages waiting in line—further proof of how in-demand mental health professionals are). Furthermore, she is taking anti-psychotics once a day, and mood stabilizer twice a day—these are medicines she can’t live without, so the discounts are a big aid.

Violet is one of the strongest people I know, and I am so proud of how much she has improved in the past years. Honestly, I can’t bring myself to imagine what would have happened if she hadn’t decided to get help.

This World Health Day, please remember that mental health is just as important as physical health to a person’s well-being. We need to take it as seriously as terminal diseases because if left untreated, it could very well prove to be fatal. If you feel like you are afflicted, get yourself checked and don’t hesitate to get yourself a PWD card. It’s your right. And if someone you know might be, please check in on them, and let them know there’s no need to go through it alone.

*Not her real name

Art by Marian Hukom

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