“Why don’t you want kids?”
I’m sure you’ve heard that question several times from several people—from your parents, relatives, partner, and friends. No matter what your response is, they always just respond with: “You’ll change your mind eventually.” There’s also this assumption that you’re selfish if you don’t want kids, especially if your reason is prioritizing yourself (which is totally okay).
But what if women don’t change their minds? What if we don’t see the purpose of conceiving a child? And, the truth is, we weren’t born just to give birth. Our purpose in life doesn’t always need to revolve around motherhood. We have other priorities in life and other issues we have to deal with. There are many women who would agree to this, but there are also some who don’t. I remember telling my friend that I don’t see myself having a child. Her reaction? “Sayang naman!”
I’ve compiled a list of reasons why women opt not have kids, based on research and some personal insight:
Concerned about the population
As of October this year, the world has a population of 7.7 billion, and some people actually don’t want that number to increase. They’re concerned with the rapidly growing population and how it might become a “threat to humanity.”
Inconvenience of pregnancy
Having a monthly period, getting harassed, and dealing with societal pressures are some of the things women have to go through. That is why some people don’t want to add more to that inconvenience by having kids.
Environmental concerns
For some, having a baby isn’t practical because they “won’t have the chance to live long enough due to climate change.” This was a good point, considering what happened in the Amazon Rainforest, which might have led people to rethink their choices.
Want to strengthen relationship with partner
Having a committed relationship with someone doesn’t always mean you have to raise a child together. Sometimes, it’s all just about finding the right person. Previous studies have found that some couples who don’t have kids have happier marriages. The participants in the study didn’t like what they saw in parents.
Putting career first
One common reason for not wanting kids is putting their career goals first. Some say they want to first have a stable career before jumping into bigger responsibilities, like having kids. In fact, research from Harvard Business School has shown how young professionals can’t balance their career aspirations with friends and family.
“Work-family conflict is an issue for MBA alumni,” researchers concluded. “Over 40 percent of both mothers and fathers say that their jobs get in the way of their personal and family lives ‘often’ or ‘very often.’”
Doesn’t like kids
Some people just don’t want to be bothered. I mean I get it, kids can be pretty annoying sometimes.
“Too expensive”
Raising children is extremely costly. Some of us can’t even afford to pay rent. Plus, people who opt for adoption or surrogacy can also find themselves having financial problems. Those two options are expensive, from program and agency fees to legal costs.
Fertility issues
Women who have dealt with fertility issues can be hesitant about having kids. That is why it’s important to not pressure women with questions like “When are you having kids?” because what if they can’t? Society convinces us that our purpose is to conceive a child, but if we can’t meet the demand, we feel like we’re letting everyone down. Although there are more options to have a child, the cost of it is far too high, as I’ve stated earlier.
Some simply want freedom
According to Today, this is more common for men because they would be forced to think about what they had to give up. Some people just want to live their lives without having kids get in their way.
The pressure of being the “perfect mother”
There it is again, another societal pressure that women are expected to conform to. There are notions where you have to do this or do that before you can even be considered a good mom. You have to pick your children up, you have to sing them to sleep, you have to buy them toys all the time, and the like. It can be overwhelming to think that women should make good choices, or else they are deemed as “bad mothers.”
Unsafe place to live in
Another reason why people don’t want to have kids is because they want to be spared from all the prejudice happening in our world—from bullying to gender discrimination to kidnappers. We wouldn’t want our kids to experience all that, right? Personally, I can’t bear the thought of my (future) child having anxiety/depression because of some traumatic event that could scar them forever.
No reason needed
This may be the best reason. People don’t need to explain their personal choices to anyone, especially ones related to their bodies. It’s their body, it’s their choice. Periodt.
Let us know your reasons too!
Photo by Gigin Krishnan on Unsplash
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