Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
Hey, Poppy! I just read your column about a single gal waiting for her Mr. Right to come, and it pulled all the #hugot strings in my heart. Anyway, I have this problem: I am currently into my former college professor, and I am trying to woo him with all my charms. but he’s not responding the way I want him to. I really, really like him, but I am scared that I am just wasting my time pining for the wrong guy. How will I know if he’s not worth waiting for anymore?
—Student Lover 101
Hey, Student Lover 101! First, let me thank you for reading last week’s entry—I could kiss you right now in a totally non-sexual way. I hope I did not pull those #hugot strings too tight because you’re going to need your heart for the next few episodes of On The Wings of Love. But yeah, I wouldn’t worry that much about your heart, honey.
Unrequited love, falling for your former professor—these are things that should be dealt with using your brain. Tell your heart to take a backseat. Brain, you’re Jesus, so take the wheel.
Cherry bombed
In high school, I had a classmate who was super close to our Electronics teacher. This classmate, Cherry, signed up for Home Economics when us girls chose Journalism. You do these things to inch closer to the one you want, hoping that one day you’ll be worthy enough to earn him or her. Anyway, they spent quite a number of years masking their budding romance as “friendship.” Cherry has a kid now with our teacher and I’m still dreading bumping into them during our 10th year reunion (I’m old) because I somehow knew the specifics of their “student-teacher relationship.”
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about being in a relationship with your former or current professor. Unlike Cherry, a minor, who found a spark with our Electronics teacher, you’re probably older, wiser, and more capable of having an adult relationship with your professor.
It’s just that, if pop culture is to be believed, then you’re pining for a doomed relationship. Probably the best and safest student-teacher relationship depicted on film was Never Been Kissed—but then, Drew Barrymore was actually an aging journalist who recovered from the drugs she consumed during her teen years, giving her a natural Hollywood glow. In Rushmore, Max wrote a hit play but wasn’t able to hit Miss Cross. If this was a Woody Allen movie, you’d be Emma Stone, the bubbly undergrad whose sole purpose is to help exorcise the demons of an irrational man like Joaquin Phoenix.
Congrats, you’re a trope!
B-movie realness
Nothing’s more apropos to your situation than Joel Lamangan’s Menor de Edad. It’s one of those movies that you see on late night cable that makes you believe in the power of cinema. In the film, Meg Imperial joins a girl gang to get away from her lesbian mothers (Ara Mina and Jaycee Parker). Meg is empowered by the gang and enjoys dropping sick rap beats while hanging out along the Pasig River. For her final task, the gang asks her to sleep with Wendell Ramos, her professor-cum-object-of-desire. When Wendell refuses Meg’s advances, she lashes out in the media, telling everyone that she was raped by her professor.
I know: Jesus, Poppy, why subject me to such a terrible example? It is what it is: a bad movie and a cautionary tale for you to not join rapping girl gangs in the Pasig River and not to be entwined with someone from the academe.
Attraction! Sans Reaction!
I know it’s tough for you to find yourself in a situation like this—liking, wanting, and craving for someone you can’t have. Maybe Cherry got lucky with our high school teacher, and theirs was made of true love that can withstand stink eyes from Batch 2005. Girl, you’re not doomed—at least, not yet. If you do continue to pine for him, be prepared for the worst.
I may not know your former professor, but I get how you may find him attractive. It’s his intelligence, the way he carries himself, how he makes you feel that he cares—just a few qualities that you may have found in him. They’re also qualities that are present in other guys. Have you ever thought that this may be just a stupid crush that you’ve been clutching to for so long? Sic Transit Gloria—worldly things are fleeting, so quit your pining.
You said it yourself that he’s not responding positively. Is that not enough reason to turn around and leave? In one Beach House song, Victoria Legrand sang: “Real love, it finds you somewhere with your back to it.” If your professor can’t find it in his heart to turn around and see you as a dashing damsel that you are, perhaps you should try to see who’s standing behind you.
Charge it to experience, move along with your great romances, and say this with me:
“He’s my Rushmore.”
Sincerely,
Poppy
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to ask.poppy@yahoo.com and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Art by Dorothy Guya