I still remember the dark age when everyone kept saying “leggo,” and my soul died a little bit more each time they do. Now that goddamn word turned into yesteryears’ ashes (and people eventually knew how to properly spell that phrase), new words poised itself to Internet fame.
Just like any trend, some need to go now and some can stay. Here’s what we think we need to drop by 2016.
Definition: a noun used to refer to a posse or loyal group of enablers who like your Instagram posts because #friendship5ever. They up your street cred à la Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” crew sans the winged eyeliner and patented leather.
Why it needs to go: You’re not exactly threatening Katy Perry-levels of frenemies here, are you? Or even channeling a Tina Fey and Amy Poehler spoof? The word exudes so much elitism, even Regina George can’t touch that clique. It’s just so elementary, so leave the power tripping back in Tina Fey’s landmark film.
Definition: a noun pertaining to aspirations, mostly of the shallow sense when accompanied with a hashtag, starry-eyed emoji, and some abs.
Why it needs to go: “Goals” mostly applies to dream aesthetics: What these particular couple, individual, space, or places are to you. To be Instagram-genic has now become a goal. If this is what dreams are now made of, we’re not sure what this world will come to.
Definition: The lazier, millennial way of spelling the conjunction “though,” and underlining the awesomeness of a usually overlooked fact as in “Coleen Garcia doesn’t dance well, but dat contour doe.”
Why it needs to go: Just please spare the female deer of your lethargic texting, and don’t drag it into your New Age ghetto speak. Thanks.
Definition: An abbreviation of the phrase “as fuck,” which is used to express something in superlative as in “Miley Cyrus is high AF in that ‘Lighter’ music video.”
Why it needs to go: While “as fuck” is addicting and convenient, the more people use it, the more we underestimate our skills to accurately describe things. You paid a lot to learn from your English teachers. Now, practice what they preached without swearing all the time, you potty-mouthed, you.
Definition: An abbreviation of the phrase “laugh out loud,” that three-letter word you use to save yourself from awkward Bumble conversations, or the best response to a lame joke.
Why it needs to go: The word is apparently dead, and congratulations, you’re one of the last persons texting who still use it. Now use “haha” or that teary-eyed laughing emoji and blend in with the chill kids.
Definition: A noun that may refer to either the abbreviated version of “before anything else” or the flirtier, shorter term to call your partner or overgrown baby.
Why it needs to go: Alden Richards now officially owns the term. We’re sure the AlDub nation wouldn’t want you snatching the word from Maine Mendoza. (And really, you wouldn’t to do that to them.)
Definition: An adjective used to call individuals who think Starbucks is the epitome of good coffee, Zara is high fashion, and Nicholas Sparks penned the best romantic novels out there ever.
Why it needs to go: Such an innocent term has turned into a derogatory remark. What’s so bad about thinking A Walk to Remember is just as good as Pride and Prejudice? Tastes differ, in case you forgot.
Definition: a noun and adjective used to tease a person with old-fashioned ways (i.e. hoarding restaurant napkins, snoozing as early as 10 p.m., bringing home the flower arrangements after a wedding reception is over, and thinking kids who party in really short skirts should only be granted entry when they put pants on.)
Why it needs to go: They’re not uncool; this lot just doesn’t dig youth culture, period. Let’s stop the ageism, and practice respect for this (pseudo) elderly. What goes around comes around—you’ll be a real-life tita soon, too, so the joke will soon be on you.
Definition: an adjective used to refer to people who try to be cute by acting cutesy and speaking in a childlike manner, but fails anyway. Its origins lie in two preteens’ YouTube video, whose initial purpose was to scare rather than make our eyes roll so hard, we could see our brains.
Why it needs to go: The AlDub couple has overplayed this show tactic the past few months, and we just wish the two stop waving in that weirdly meek manner because they look like they’re cupping some invisible boob. Also, there’s nothing cute about trying to be cute: Being cute is a natural state. You can’t act it, you can just be.
Art by Dorothy Guya