Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
Dear Poppy,
I’m just going to come out and say it: I got pregnant by a man I barely know. I have some time to tell my boyfriend before the bump shows, but I’ve been hesitant to say anything because I’m scared that he’ll leave me. I can’t blame him if he does. But I’m especially scared to be alone because of this child. I still want a decent father for this kid and I’m hoping that it could be my boyfriend.
My friends have told me to just jump the gun and be the one to break it off first. He doesn’t deserve what I’m about to tell him, not to mention the harm I’ve already done. I truly do love him and I want him to know that this mistake is not something I did to hurt him or get back at him for anything. It’s just a stupid thing that happened because I got a bit too drunk with a guy I had been crushing on for a little while.
So basically what I’m asking is, should I break up with him and spare him the heartache of knowing what really happened or tell him about this child, my mistake, and that I still want to work things out? If only he can find a way to forgive me.
—Claudia
Hey, Claudia
I’m just going to say it: get a shmishmortion at the shmishmortion clinic. Oh, wait—we don’t have one because it is not a thing that exists in this country.
Did you know that the United Nations has told our government that they should ensure that women, especially those who are carrying unplanned and unwanted pregnancies borne from unspeakable things that some men have the capacity to do, are given the option to terminate their babies? Those dudes from the UN found out that by not offering the women of the Philippines the fully monty of birth control options and means, the government is basically depriving women from making “fundamental and intimate decisions affecting their bodies and lives in an informed and safe manner.”
I mean, shit, that’s what the UN is saying to OUR COUNTRY.
Here, women have to get abortions in secret. Like it’s such a shameful thing to have one so you can lead the life that you want. I really cannot stand this bullshit patriarchy on top of the reigning religion ganging all up in on our business. Just think: There are women in this country who have died because of unsafe abortion practices running rampant pretty much everywhere, and about 12 percent of them perish from maternal death causes.
I know you’re going to keep the baby, but let’s talk about this first, okay? Because what if you’re not pregnant? What if you’re not ready for this and don’t even have to think about giving your boyfriend the double whammy of “I’m pregnant” and “It’s not yours?” It’s possible, but in case it really isn’t, the only option—the right thing to do in everyone’s eyes—is to keep that baby. That’s pretty much it.
So, okay, are you really into this child? You keep calling it “this child” as if it’s not an actual thing that’s a-brewin’ inside of you. So yeah, maybe you should get a shmishmortion.
But really, don’t. Especially if it’s unsafe. If you have the capacity to do the showbiz thing and haul your ass off to America and hide in your auntie’s place as you recover from that minor procedure, you should probably do that. We all know that works. It just sucks that we instantly don’t get a say on these things because as the UN says, we are being deprived of these things.
Now that we’ve ruled out the Obvious Child scenario, let’s say you are keeping the baby. I can’t ensure you that you’re keeping the boyfriend too. The wise thing to do is to just tell him now, as early as possible, because your hormones are not fucking you up yet. It’s better for him to know now than just realize that there’s this child growing inside of you. Tell him everything and make sure that he takes it like a man. I’m not saying shove it up his ass—I’m saying shove it up his ass but gently.
Not all guys will go for it, but there’s a slight chance that he gets to see how much you love him. Sure, what you did was a tad bit whorish, but you were drunk and he was up for it. Jesus, why didn’t you make him wear a condom? Ugh, I hate you, Claudia.
Just kidding, I love you. We get to make mistakes because that’s what makes us human. Now, I can’t tell how your boyfriend is going to react to this exactly, but he can either understand or shut you down completely. If he at least tries to understand, make a promise that you’re not going to do anything even more stupid than this shit. (You’re already pregnant, so what kind of other shenanigans could you get into?)
If he shuts you down, it’s best to back away and let him grieve the death of your future together. We simply cannot avoid this scenario. If it does happen, I want you to take it like grown woman and prepare yourself for the wonderful and exciting life of single parenting.
I really don’t think that it’s a good idea to break up with him without even telling him about your baby because he’s going to know, Claudia. You shared a life together and you’re bound to move in the same circles. Someone is going to tell him because we’re very big with tsismis. And then he’s going to get heartbroken again right after you broke his heart. It’s always best to go with the truth first and the bullshit whenever you totes feel like.
Claudia, I really want you to do the right thing here. Owning up to your mistakes is how we bad girls do it well. Whatever your boyfriend’s reaction may be, I want you to make sure that the guy whose sperm is inside you also knows, and that he should be responsible for this. I also would want you to watch Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress. You’re going to love it. And the pies in the film.
Take care of you and your baby.
Not “this child.” Say it with me: My baby.
Always (be my baby),
Poppy
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to ask.poppy@yahoo.com or post your question over Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AskPoppy, and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya