This February, Preen talks about all kinds of relationships and how stories of love don’t always follow just one plotline. From fairy-tale romances to overlooked connections, we’re hoping to find what makes them all equally special.
We’ve all seen it in several films already—the woman steals an attached man and is proud of it, then later wishes that their significant others didn’t have to go home to their girlfriends or wives. More often than not, the cheating plotlines have either been romanticized or turned into comedies like the film The Other Woman in an attempt to make a serious topic more lighthearted.
But in the real world, you don’t always get to buddy up with your fellow other women to exact revenge on your asshole boyfriend or husband. Instead, the situation is probably like the Filipino movie No Other Woman and you’re either Cristine Reyes who’s slapping the shit out of Anne Curtis, or you’re on the receiving end of those slaps.
In short, there’s no guarantee that these kinds of stories will end well. Two women, Anna* and Eva*, share their real-life stories of being the other woman in a relationship.
‘I’m taken’
Just like in the movies, these women weren’t aware that they were getting involved with someone who was apparently taken.
“It started as a fling, and I didn’t know at that time that he had a girlfriend. When I discovered the truth, we broke up,” Anna tells us. “[But] then one day, he admitted that he loved me and that was it. I gave in, and we maintained a relationship that lasted for five years.”
Eva also shares a fairly similar story, telling us, “We were friends who were growing closer and closer until both of us somehow developed feelings for each other. At the time, I wasn’t aware that he was dating someone else who I also knew, and he admitted it to me on the same day he told me that he was starting to fall for me, which sucked big time but for some reason, I didn’t get mad at him. I don’t know why.”
With that in mind, you’d think that they would immediately jump ship to avoid being called someone’s side piece, right? But for these women, they opted to suck up their dignity, blindly hoping that these men would choose them in the end.
“It was hard. We didn’t have [anniversaries,] and no pictures together to post on social media,” Anna says. “Whenever he needed to leave to go to his [girlfriend,] we weren’t allowed to talk, even through text message, and that would last for months with no assurance of whether he would come back to me or not… I don’t know how I dealt with that for five whole years.”
The waiting game
Sure, for these women, dating was the same as any normal date with a boyfriend. But at the end of the day, they were always left waiting and yearning for someone who they could never call their own, despite the sweet nothings that they would exchange behind closed doors.
“There were several times when I would think that if he broke it off sooner with her, I wouldn’t be this secret he had to hide anymore, you know?” Eva tells us. “I also remember a time when I was hesitant to even tell him stuff like ‘Take care’ or ‘I miss you’ because I didn’t want to get attached to someone who wasn’t even mine in the first place.”
And as they played the waiting game, they also had to watch from the sidelines as their “opponent” shared the same affectionate moments with the man they loved.
“It made me sad seeing the two of them have their little moments in person and on social media where everyone, including our friends, could see while I was kind of forced to stay quiet and hidden. But what really took the cake for me was actually hearing him tell some of his friends—proudly, too—that he had a girlfriend, and obviously, it was not me. I just had to nod and pretend that it wasn’t killing me inside,” Eva continues.
With patience like this, you’d commend these women for being strong enough to stomach the situation. But aside from that, the hardest part for them was keeping their morals in check as they continued being a cheating man’s secret which they feared they were becoming.
“There wasn’t a day where I wouldn’t feel bad about what I was doing,” Anna tells us. “I think she was a nice girl; I didn’t understand how he could cheat on this girl. I felt sorry for her and I wanted to say sorry for what I did.”
“I wasn’t proud of what I did,” Eva admits. “To be honest, one of my fears back then was being confronted by his girlfriend. Even imagining a normal conversation with her scared me to death because I feared that she might see right through me and find out that I was secretly dating her man.”
Happily ever after?
However you want to define this concept, these women got their own individual endings they’re thankful for, like not actually getting slapped in the face just like Anne Curtis.
Anna shares that she broke up with her guy after finding out that he got another girl pregnant while he was still involved with her and his girlfriend. “In the end, he didn’t choose either of us because he had to take care of his baby.”
Meanwhile, Eva admits that she’s still dating her boyfriend after he broke up with his ex. “I didn’t force him to break up with her. I’m actually surprised that we’re still together, but at the same time, I’m thankful that things went okay, I guess. Definitely told myself not to get into shit like this again in the future.”
When asked how being the other woman shaped their personalities and their current relationships, Eva concludes, “It’s done with. I can’t go back and change the past. I fucked up by being that way and there’s no excuse for that, and I’m pretty lucky that it didn’t get too ugly. I guess all I can do is just try my best to make this relationship work, and if karma decides to bite me in the ass sometime in the future, then so be it.”
As for Anna, who seems to be happier with her current relationship, she takes a moment to think and says, “I don’t know exactly if there were lessons I needed to learn from what happened, but there’s one thing I’m sure of: It feels good to not share someone with another girl.”
*Names have been changed to to preserve anonymity
Photo courtesy of My Best Friend’s Wedding