Every week, Preen tackles motherhood sans the rose-tinted glasses. Our columnists L. Juliano, Marla Darwin, Monica Eleazar-Manzano, and Rossana Unson tell their personal experiences like it is—at times frustrating, oftentimes confusing, but always enlightening.
I was raised in a highly competitive environment―one that prefers to celebrate academic achievements over efforts in extra-curricular hobbies. As early as the fourth grade, my older sister and I self-studied because asking help from our parents was akin to raising hell. The results were exactly how mom and dad pictured us to be—straight-A students and always at the top of our classes. We’ve moved on to pursue and succeed in the careers we’re passionate about. But as much as I’d like to credit the success to my folks, a great deal of unlearning and forgiving had to take place before I reached my goals. My sister and I share this little secret, and I hope I’ve learned from the experience as I march onto motherhood.
I understood that my parents just didn’t see my hobbies as relevant. But I did crave the attention when I deserved it. I guess I wanted them to see that I was more than a grade-A-churning-student. I was also creative. I was part of the oratory club that took pride of its three-year winning streak. I was among the youngest members of a local comic book publishing house. I had a knack for baking which later turned into a business that had me earning my weekly allowance. These were all in high school. They weren’t really supportive, even worried that they’d interfere with my studies. Back then, I wished they spent more time honing my other interests, too.
Now that I’m facing motherhood myself, I strive to see my daughter the way I hoped I was recognized. We’ve now learned how our children are inherently intelligent in different ways. But how does one really nurture them?
Simply enrolling my child in different classes and groups is not the answer. I have to be in tune with her very core, removing my expectations and seeing her for who she really is. What is she good at? What grabs her undivided attention? Two years old may seem so early, but being more of a spectator in our play times allows me to see her multiple intelligences.
I’ve just recently stopped being a teacher when we’re at play. I let her take the lead nowadays, careful not to interrupt when she’s deep in thought, and I interject teachings without disrupting the game’s flow. She’s an imaginative and creative child who makes up her own lyrics; pretends to be a pirate, Jedi, or crime-fighting astronaut; adds details of her own to a story; and meticulously listens (and repeats) my accounts on where she came from or why we can’t see the wind. She’s also very headstrong. She hates being called out and will throw a tantrum if she feels humiliated. She doesn’t like playing with kids who don’t interact and imagine with her. Her motor skills are not at par with most of her peers. She can’t even throw a ball to save her life. She’s her own person, she’s not perfect, and I’m completely proud of her.
I’m with the legion of moms who are eager to enroll their little girls to ballet class the second they show a liking to pink and pirouettes. I’m in an era of parents who see the number of schools their kids are enrolled in as a huge advantage. But I’m taking my time assessing if every activity is really a good fit for my girl. It may sound outrageous, and you can say that it’s just a class. But that two-hour session once a week can easily turn into a feet-dragging scene in the hands of a stubborn toddler. And wouldn’t she be better off using those hours doing something she actually likes, not the idea of what I think she’s into? And the many schools I enroll my kid into shouldn’t be the basis of how good I am as a parent. Simply put, comparing our lifestyles and our children are never a good thing. We embrace our kids for who they are as we respect each other’s decisions on how to raise them.
A human being is incredibly resilient. Seeing my little girl, I often wonder how my actions can impact her life, her perspectives. How she’ll carry and believe in herself. How she’ll choose her hobbies and careers. A missed summer art class or unappreciated performances can’t break one’s will on what she really wants to do. I know for a fact that the very reason why I strive so much is because my wants weren’t handed to me on a silver platter. I also grasp that if it weren’t for my parents driving me to the limit, I wouldn’t really accomplish what I’ve had. And from that, I must play a fine balance between nurturing my child’s dreams, allowing her to really want them and to actually pursue them, and pushing her to discover aspirations she never thought she had. That’s the challenge I’m willing to take just so she can embrace her intelligences, in whatever fields they may be.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya
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