This column may contain strong language, sexual content, adult humor, and other themes that may not be suitable for minors. Parental guidance is strongly advised.
What is it with Playboy bunnies and politicians buying their silence?
As scandal upon scandal reveals the irredeemable baseness of men who present themselves as anti-hypocrisy crusaders, it’s impossible not to notice their propensity to date and sometimes impregnate Playboy playmates. Which then results in money changing hands not exactly for services already rendered, however willingly, but for mouths to remain shut.
So not only did Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen pay off Stormy Daniels, the porn star, to the tune of $130,000 to ensure she didn’t spill the gory details of her apparently blah sexual encounter with the American president in 2006, he also facilitated the $150,000 pay-off to Playboy playmate Karen McDougal from American Media Inc., to “catch and kill” a story about her alleged affair with Trump which took place around the same time as Daniels.
And now it has been revealed that Cohen paid hush money to yet another Playboy playmate, who remains unnamed, to keep silent about her affair with Elliott Broidy, a leading fundraiser for the Republican Party who was forced to resign from his position as deputy finance chairman of the Republican National Committee as a result of the scandal. The lady was alleged to have become pregnant with Broidy’s child, and he offered a financial settlement of $1.6 million to cover, among other things, an abortion. The money was to be paid on a quarterly basis over a period of two years, with the first payment made in December 2017.
The discovery of the hush money trail—the tragic and unsavory intersection of surgery-enhanced breasts, unbelievably bad hair, and the bottomless well of obsequiousness and arrogant self-delusion—prompted MSNBC anchor Stephanie Ruhle to remark on her show as well as on Twitter:
She does have a point.
Why in the world indeed? It is said that power and money make the most odious men attractive, as Melania Trump no doubt can attest. It’s one thing to be unattractive, but quite another to be unattractive and extremely unpleasant, slimy, and arrogant, not to mention bloated in girth as well as in self-importance. Does having money really mitigate all that ugliness, both in looks and in character?
Again, ask Melania.
But seriously. No matter how handsome Trump considers himself to be, he really is quite repulsive physically and repugnant morally. And no great shakes either in the intelligence department. And the amount of money he claims he has is disputable, at least until he releases his tax returns. And power? He seems to feel most powerful when he screams in all caps on Twitter, yet he is a complete cuckold before Vladimir Putin.
So how any woman finds him attractive enough to sleep with and even marry is beyond me. Yes, I can understand that economics does factor into the situation, which is why the sight of winsome Filipinas clinging to the arms of rather revolting foreign men, often three times the size—in width and in height—of their lady friend, is quite common. Oftentimes, they even match their outfits: shorts and a tank top, and there’s rarely any contest as to who wore it better. But then again, rising unemployment and a weak currency can make a man with a foreign passport oodles more handsome than his bloated ruddy-cheeked face, buck teeth, and ample beer belly would suggest.
But a beauty queen or model or Playboy playmate would presumably have more opportunities to consort with a decent-looking man who is both loaded and pleasant. Coming from an industry that imposes on them certain minimums in terms of height, weight and looks, they would immediately be considered as being of conventional attractiveness. Surely they could do way better than the likes of Donald Trump and Elliott Broidy or any number of our slimy lizard-resembling politicians.
So why do they settle for bottom-dwellers?
Granted, attractive women have been dating ugly men forever. As anti-Darwinian as it seems, it does happen. A lot. There’s a theory that an ugly man will be so grateful to be with a beautiful woman that he’ll never leave her.
Amy Sohn writes in New York Magazine that she once dated “a very successful, very unattractive guy I’ll call Movie Maker. I was at Void with friends, and as soon as he was introduced to me I felt woozy because I was such a fan of his oeuvre. It didn’t bother me that he was one of the uglier guys I had seen in my life. On the contrary—I decided that his low hotness was a great counterpoint to his high Q rating. It didn’t matter how successful and sought-after he was. If he was that weird-looking, he would never leave me.”
She later discovered that he was also a narcissistic, self-involved jerk who ended up dumping her. Another girlfriend who dated him explained his appeal: “We go for him because of his name but think he’s some diamond in the rough because he’s ugly. Except it turns out he’s getting laid left and right because every girl’s thinking the same thing. He’s a bigger player than a good-looking guy.”
Which goes to show that “Cheaters come in all shapes and sizes, and some good-looking guys are so loyal that they’re faithful.”
Trump. Duterte. Broidy. Anthony Weiner, even. QED.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant.
For comments and questions, e-mail b.wiser.ph@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Yayie Motos
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