This column may contain strong language, sexual content, adult humor, and other themes that may not be suitable for minors. Parental guidance is strongly advised.
We thought the world had ended when David Bowie died. Then we thought it ended when Prince died. Later, a small-town mayor with a misogynistic, murderous bent became president, and we thought the world had ended once again.
But now the world has truly ended: Brangelina is no more.
Everyone was blindsided, even, it seemed, Brad’s BFF George Clooney. RIP The Most Perfect Couple in the World. In fact, it was almost impossible to talk about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in nothing less than superlatives. And caps. She was The Most Beautiful Woman in the World. He was The Most Beautiful Man in the World. They were the Most Generous People on Earth, she, apart from being an Award-Winning Actress, was a Director, a UN Special Envoy, The Most Amazing Mother in the World. And oh my God, she even underwent elective mastectomy to decrease her chances of contracting the cancer her mother died from.
He, for his part, was The Sexiest Man Alive at one point or another, according to People Magazine, not to mention Award-Winning Actor and Producer. And let’s not forget his charitable activities. He’s the Founder of Make It Right, which built sustainable and affordable homes for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, and Co-Founder of, naturally, The Jolie-Pitt Foundation. And he is an Activist, who supports marriage equality, environmental awareness and the Democratic Party. Oh, and he was The Most Amazing Father in the World.
Now, all these myths are set to shatter as the Jolie-Pitts are no longer, with custody of six children looming as the single most contentious issue in the Brangelina divorce.
The statements from both camps are cryptic, but clearly Angelina has sought to control the narrative by firing the first volley, announcing that she was seeking physical custody. Brad, she alleged, had substance abuse problems, anger issues and—gasp—he was a poor father!
After the hysteria had died down a bit following the announcement, most of the world shook their heads in collective disbelief. Brad? A bad dad? That can’t possibly be true, look at him with his kids!
Because—you know how the narrative goes—Angelina was weird, a former bisexual Goth girl, a control freak, a maneater, a Jezebel, a Circe, a witch who, albeit now reformed and transformed into Saint Angelina, the paragon of compassion, still stole someone else’s husband.
So yeah, conventional wisdom goes, the b*tch had it coming, and Jennifer Aniston must be doing the happy dance somewhere.
And then the rumors went into overdrive. Brad was having an affair with Marion Cotillard. Or Gwyneth Paltrow. A private detective hired by Angelina uncovered the secret liaison with Marion. Naughty, alcoholic, two-timing, weed-smoking angry Brad. Angelina didn’t want him near her kids.
There is a hint of misogyny in the way Angelina’s allegations are being overlooked. It’s as if her claims are exaggerated in a canny bid to gain public sympathy. It’s as if no one wants to believe Brad—golden-haired, wryly funny, easygoing Brad—could be so very bad.
But Angelina, yeah, we’ll believe the worst of her. After all, this was a woman who had broken up at least one marriage and one relationship, Brad and Jen’s and Billy Bob Thornton and Laura Dern. This was the woman who carried a vial of her husband Billy Bob’s blood on a chain around her neck; he did the same. This was the woman who kissed her own brother on the lips before she went onstage to collect her Oscar. This was the woman who seemed to have no female friends despite her many altruistic endeavors. And as every woman knows, you can’t trust a woman without a posse of besties.
Bullsh*t. I adore hot, hunky, adorable Brad as much as the next woman, even if he was horribly wooden in Meet Joe Black. But Angelina’s allegations of bad parenting perhaps deserve closer scrutiny. I don’t know if she’s batsh*t crazy enough to fabricate Brad’s anger issues and lack of parental judgment, but for a mother to insist on sole physical custody is a serious matter, particularly a Hollywood mother who chose to deviate from the usual script, i.e., “we will continue to co-parent our beautiful children, whose well-being is the our sole priority at this very challenging time.”
Brad, of course, will countersue for joint custody. But lest we forget, charming and amiable and occasionally unintelligible as he is, he still made the decision to cheat on his wife Jen with Angelina. It could have just been an on-set fling but no, he went into the affair with his eyes open and his dick—and mind—challenged as never before. And he was presumably aware of Angelina’s reputation as a maneating siren before he took up with her. I mean, he agreed to an editorial spread in W portraying them as a family. While he was still legally wed to Jen. So the blame can’t all be heaped on Angelina. He has behaved like a cad in the past; maybe he never stopped being one.
We may speculate till kingdom come but really, no one knows what happens in a marriage except the two people married to each other. But for heaven’s sake, haven’t these movie stars learned that you never ever do a movie together about marriage? It’s guaranteed Splitsville from there.
Just ask Richard Burton and Liz Taylor. Or Madonna and Guy Ritchie. That was the end of their world.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published earlier this year by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant.
For comments and questions, e-mail b.wiser.ph@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Photo courtesy of Vanity Fair Italia
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