Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
Dear Poppy,
My boyfriend and I kind of broke up a month ago. We had a falling out because he didn’t have time to see me anymore due to his studies, work, and family matters. Although I’m aware that he has a lot on his plate, I couldn’t help but be mad at him about it.
I guess what took the cake for him was me going out without telling or inviting him. I just got used to not hearing from him whenever he goes out so I thought it was okay for me to do the same. I was obviously wrong.
He then told me that we should take a break from each other—he didn’t say how long though. And at the one-month mark, we agreed to see each other so we can talk—patch things up or break up, I don’t know—but he flaked out last minute. He said he didn’t want to see me, which was unfair on my part because he didn’t give me a chance to explain myself.
Until now, I haven’t heard from him or if he wants to continue this relationship. I just want to know where I should place myself in this situation. At the same time, I want to apologize in whatever way I can. I’m already not spending Christmas with him and the year’s about to end, too. I want to at least be in civil terms with him.
What do you think, Poppy? Should I still wait for him to decide or should I make the call on what happens to this relationship? And is there a possibility that he would forgive me if ever?
Thanks so much if you read this.
—Rico
Hello, Rico
Don’t waste your time this Christmas and just enjoy the holidays, man. Think about the money that you can use on yourself now that you don’t have to buy his sorry ass a really thoughtful, expensive gift.
Basically, he’s mad because you were mad and now he’s being a baby by refusing to talk it out man to man? He shouldn’t be mad that you’re going out without him because fair lang, bro, he’s doing it too! And we all lead separate lives naman, so unless you guys are getting married, which you cannot do because our country’s tight ass is impenetrable, and those lawmakers are making (or revising) stupid laws. Who cares! The best way is to GV it all the way. Just good vibes!
Rico, listen, you were right to have a b*tch fit because you ain’t seeing your man. I don’t know, it’s all about balance. I get that he’s doing all these things, but he’s also doing you and if you’re not doing that often then something is not right!
If he’s refusing to talk to you, then that’s pretty much it! You’re done. Kaput! Bring out the eggnogs and the Beyoncé jams and let’s ride it out until the New Year! No, but seriously, you can’t make things work if you’re not on the same level. Like, I know you want to talk, but does your boyfriend want to talk, Rico? Nope. Perhaps he’s already made his mind and it’s best to leave it at that.
It’s so f*cking showbiz to describe the way two people treat each other as “civil.” You guys are friends or you’re not! I mean, sh*t, that’s a pretty f*cking simple concept. I’ve never described my relationship with another person as “civil,” so I don’t know what it means. In my head, it’s like, I know you exist and I’m going to act nice but in my head you’re dead like B.I.G. Like, is that civil? Because to me, if you’re dead to me, then that’s it. You are the sperm that never even reached your mom’s eggs. Who is you?
When I was reading your letter, I was reminded of Tom Ford’s Nocturnal Animals. My friends were talking about how baduy it was when The Atlantic called their review “The Art Without the Heart.” I thought it was a perfect description of the film which had Amy Adams reading a novel and taking baths and contemplating about modern art in her ultra-chic mansion. It’s a ruthless, heartless film that had me gasping from the opening credits to the final gaguhan moment.
Basically, it’s about Amy Adams being a total d*ck to Jake Gyllenhaal and then years later after building a reputable art gallery and getting married to Armie Hammer, homegurl ends up getting a book in the mail from her ex-husband. Amy starts reading it and is drawn back to her past with Jake-y and the novel that’s she’s reading is forming the other half of the film. In the real life thread of the film, you keep wondering why they broke up and why Jake wrote this really beautiful but goddamn terrible book where nothing good ever happens. The film becomes a quest where Amy tries to find out what really happened after she and Jake broke up.
If you really want to know how he feels, are you, like, ready to get hurt? Like, 2016 had been really sh*tty for all of us so I guess quota ka na sa pain? Maybe he needs time to process all of this. I mean, sige na nga, you can’t tell others naman na you did not hurt them if na-hurt nga sila, diba? Give it the old college try and just keep finding ways to contact him muna. Do it next year! That way, if you end up getting your heart broken, there’s no way but to go up! If it does work out, then you can start the year with a bang!
Again, I don’t think you need to be sorry. In fact, siya yung mag-sorry, noh! Ya’lls should really spend more time together, pero kung wala naman siyang balak, then fine! You will be great and have a beautiful home like Amy Adams in Nocturnal Animals and your loss will haunt him that he will end up hiding his feelings in the fringes of his fiction.
Christmas is this; Christmas is that. I mean, whatever, guys! I just think that we should all be good people this Christmas. If that means not bothering others so they could work things out or live forever in a life without you, then fine!
It’s the New Year, so maybe it’s time for a new jowa! Or kahit fubu lang muna.
Happy Hoe-lidays!
Poppy
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to [email protected] or post your question over Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AskPoppy, and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya
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