I wish I was kidding when I say that I’m currently writing this piece at three in the morning but I’m not. Though I would normally avoid staying up this late because…feelings, maybe writing this during sad boi hours might help me successfully complete this article since I need all the emotions (and courage) I can get.
So, we’ve been under the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) for more than a month now and I bet my life that the seemingly endless quarantine extensions made you re-download your dating apps to prepare you for this time of drought (if you know what I mean). I’ve met a couple of people on the app who each had their own goal: some are in it for the long run while others are just looking for people to help them get through the ECQ. Whatever reason you might have, it’s all valid as long as the person you’re talking to knows your intentions.
Though I don’t have any personal experience with being ghosted (yet), I’ve started thinking about it more often now. I met this girl on Bumble a couple weeks ago (if my parents are reading this—surprise, your daughter’s gay!) and I might actually like her. We’ve talked a lot about our feelings and how we won’t just ghost each other, but I still catch myself thinking—is it finally safe to be vulnerable or should I continue building my emotional barricade so I don’t get hurt if she ever does decide to ghost me?
Yes, I’m a Cancer and my emotions rule my life. But can you blame me? I’ve heard a lot of pretty bad ghosting stories and I’ve learned that it’s best to be safe than sorry. I mean, I don’t want to find myself crying over a stranger I’ve just met over the internet.
Though there are times when ghosting might be acceptable (such as if there’s been abuse or lying involved), we shouldn’t callously ghost those who actually treat you well and actively make the effort to get to know you. You don’t have to send a lengthy message on why things aren’t working out but a few clear words can save them years of overthinking if they’ve done anything wrong.
I mean even magicians tell their audience they will disappear before actually doing it.
If you still think that ghosting isn’t a big deal, I’ve got a study to prove that it is. Being blocked out of someone’s life without warning can actually be extremely traumatic, especially if they plan on starting a new life with you. It also leaves room for ambiguity which might drive them crazy trying to figure out if you’re just busy or if they have to start worrying. No one should experience being ghosted. It’s not something that people want to go through.
And please, don’t add to the list of things they’re already worrying about pandemic-wise.
Art by Tricia Guevara
People are actually using “quarantine” and “COVID-19” on their dating profiles
Here’s a dating app for people who are sick of ghosting
Online dating isn’t for everyone (including myself)
It’s time to stop normalizing men’s sh*tty dating behavior