Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
I’m kind of having a problem with loving someone. I met this guy five years ago, but it was only this year that we got to know each other more when he added me on Facebook. Weeks passed and I developed a crush on him. Months after, it became love. I didn’t dare tell anyone about this because it might spread and reach him. He and his ex broke up last year, but just weeks ago, the ex herself told me that they’re together again. I did nothing but let go, but I still have little feelings for him. What should I do?
P.S. Also, I’ve been having dreams about him. What does it mean to dream of someone you love?
Why are you even asking me what you should do in this situation, when you already did the right thing?
Letting go even if you still have feelings for him was probably the best decision that you’ve made FOR YOURSELF! I know you’re feeling really, really sucky that you’re in this kind of situation, but I’ve been there myself and I got past it because I somehow realized that I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT DUDE.
I know nothing about interpreting dreams, but I’m pretty sure that’s how Google was invented. But really, why are you even dreaming of him?
Trust me, Carrots, this dude’s not your dream guy. He’s just a guy! One guy! Out of the billions of men on this planet, you taught your subconscious to keep this guy in your head. Get him out of there! You know how in Inside Out everyone got sad when Bing Bong got left behind while Joy flew off to return Riley’s core memories? Well, this guy deserves to be pushed into the dark abyss of your Memory Dump. Not even Sadness will shed a tear when he’s gone.
I doubt you really mean it when you use the word “love” in your letter, Carrots. I mean, is it really love? Love is what grows out of mutual appreciation. It’s not hiding behind your own fears while being crippled with anxiety that he might know how you feel for him. Let’s not throw the word “love” around, honey. You like him, but the painful part is that he likes his ex more than he likes you.
You’re playing it safe, Carrots. Think about it: What good did hiding your feelings bring to your life? Nothing. Taking risks can lead to great results. Yes, it can also lead to severe heartache, but TRUST ME, pain is a part of life. Take it in and learn from it all. Things cannot happen if you don’t put a bit of effort in making it happen.
Carrots, I don’t know you, but I feel that you’re the Baxter in this story. What’s a Baxter, Poppy? Baxters are the extra guys in romantic comedies. As explained in the underrated rom-com, The Baxter, these are the nice, dull guys who are dumped by the pretty protagonists before the credits roll.
Pretty in Pink‘s Duckie is a Baxter. McDreamy was Reese Witherspoon’s Baxter in Sweet Home Alabama (that bitch chose Josh Lucas over McDreamy? No. Fucking. Way.). To put it simply: You’re Maja Salvador in One More Chance. Hopefully, your wig is not as bad as the ones found in pretty much all of Cathy Garcia-Molina’s films.
How do you break out of being just a plot point in someone else’s romantic comedy? You make your own plot, that’s how. Be the protagonist in your own movie, and don’t settle for being just a side character. You don’t even have to be in a romantic-comedy! Rom-coms teach you that your life is meaningless and empty without a man! Be a Michael Bay movie with lots of boobs and explosions! Be a Noah Baumbach film where you learn how to become an adult by acting like a child! Heck, you can even be Heneral Luna and just fuck shit up while fighting for your country.
Carrots, the important thing is that you’re fighting your way through the plot of your own life, and that you’re not just some poorly-written character who has a great face but zero personality. You’re amazing, and you know it. This guy who ran off with his ex, make him your plot point. Be the girl who was dumped at the end of the first act, but won by the time the credits rolled on the screen. Your life, your movie. Say this with me: “I am not a Baxter.”
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to [email protected] and you just might get the answer you are looking for.