Dear Homophobes, Bigots, and Self-Appointed Moral Experts,
Citing the Bible—and the Old Testament at that, the contradictory pronouncements of a deity who seems pretty capricious to me: petty, vengeful, and demanding one instant, and forgiving, comforting and benevolent the next―you, like Manny Pacquiao, voice your condemnation of homosexuality, saying it is against nature and against God.
Some of you are quick to clarify that you respect homosexuals, but not homosexual acts, which, as far as you and your Bible are concerned, are sinful. Manny, unfortunately, uttered those infamous words, “mas-masahol pa sa hayop” to describe the baseness and sub-humanity of homosexuals who engage in such activity.
Just to be clear, this particular act would be known as sodomy. The Brits called it buggery, and sent many a man to prison for sticking his dick up another man’s ass, most sensationally among them the writer, playwright, and aesthete Oscar Wilde, sentenced to hard labor for two years at Reading Gaol after being sued by the Marquess of Queensberry―a boxer himself, in an interesting historical parallel. Wilde’s crime was, apart from soliciting, then sodomizing 12 youths, daring to profess, through word and deed, the love that dare not speak its name to his beloved, the Marquess’ young son, Alfred, Lord Douglas.
Notwithstanding the fact that the British most likely engaged in homosexual buggery, albeit in varying degrees of discretion, throughout the Empire, anal sex was decriminalized only in 1967, with the age of consent between both parties set at 21 years old. Hong Kong belatedly followed suit in 1990.
The French, ever so enlightened, may have made same-sex sexual activity legal in 1791, yet were always tolerant of whatever got one’s juices going. King Louis XIV himself was rather highly sexed but strictly heterosexual. His brother, however, Philippe I, the Duke of Orleans, known in the court as Monsieur, was very much a queen, and openly consorted with Philippe de Lorraine-Armagnac, his great love.
For all its association with man-on-man action, sodomy, or anal sex, as it is more popularly known these days, is not an exclusively homosexual act. And while it may seem like the last taboo, it’s more mainstream than you think.
A gay friend said to me some years back, “It’s not that simple anymore to get straight men now that more and more women are into anal sex.”
A married girlfriend confided more than a decade ago that her husband loved giving her some backdoor action, and she would indulge him “on special occasions” because he clearly enjoyed the sensation of his dick entering a tight hole. And I can assure you, this guy does not have a homosexual, um, bone in his body. He’s as macho as they come, a Marlboro Man all the way, with no inclination whatsoever towards Brokeback Mountain extra-curricular activities.
Moving on to modern times, Mindy Kaling made broadcast history two years ago when she featured TV’s first anal sex scene in her show The Mindy Project, positioning it obliquely rather than explicitly as her onscreen boyfriend, Danny, trying some butt stuff out one night during their lovemaking, startling her, and not altogether unpleasantly. He claimed he “slipped.”
Mindy later told Vulture that her character didn’t feel violated, because she and her partner “have a relationship that is very understanding with each other, and he tried something because he was trying to see what he could get away with. But I don’t think that in that relationship that Mindy’s reaction to it was ‘I feel violated;’ it was, ‘Hey man, run that by me!’… it wasn’t something that made her feel unsafe or degraded… you can love someone and be in a relationship with them when you’re both consenting adults, and people can try things and you can be like…’I busted you on that.’”
In another cable sitcom, the darkly delicious You’re the Worst, Gretchen and Jimmy, who are, appropriately enough, a couple of commitment-phobic assholes in a dysfunctional relationship, have a lot of debauched sex. In one episode, both rail against conventional coupledom and insist on partying like animals, complete with cocaine. To Jimmy’s delight, Gretchen even promises anal sex as a special treat, upon her best friend Lindsay’s suggestion: “You go home tonight and you dress up real slutty and you do butt stuff with your boyfriend for all of us who let love die by becoming ordinary. Do it for the Sweater People.”
Is it really that surprising that anal sex is legitimately a thing? Just click on a porn site and see exactly how many videos feature men and women getting off on anal sex―with each other. If you’re a man and still like seeing man-on-man action, then you obviously haven’t chosen the “straight” filter and are looking at gay porn. If that’s your thing, then by all means, enjoy. If not, then don’t go all sanctimonious on same-sex couples.
Despite Kanye’s denials, the ass is an erogenous zone for both men and for women. Another controversial Girls scene has Desi eating Marnie’s ass because, in case you haven’t heard, ass is the new pussy. And when Nicki Minaj sings “He toss my salad like his name Romaine,” girlfriend’s talking about her butt. Because his anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.
The anus is, after all, ringed with sensitive nerves, and can register pleasurable sensations when stimulated with the tongue or the fingers.
After you’ve had a dick in your butt, your legs feel a bit weak.
But you know it’s been totally worth it because the sex was damn good.
Anal sex gets so good, you start daydreaming about it when you’ve got nothing better to do.
Sometimes the effort of anal sex just isn’t worth it.
But then you remember how many times it’s felt so good that you just can’t help but do it again.
So, let me ask you this: To paraphrase Karen Davila, do you object to anal sex in all its forms or with reservations?
Does it disgust you because it is a homosexual activity? Is it only acceptable to you as a heterosexual activity? Because trust me, so many straight men are into it, even in our fucked-up repressed society.
I could give you the lowdown on everything you need to know about anal sex, but I don’t think you ready for this jelly.
You can unclench your butt muscles now.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published earlier this year by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.