Every week, Preen tackles motherhood sans the rose-tinted glasses. Our columnists L. Juliano, Marla Darwin, Monica Eleazar-Manzano, and Rossana Unson tell their personal experiences like it is—at times frustrating, oftentimes confusing, but always enlightening.
A couple of beers and a dose of nostalgia after, I raised the same question I asked my best friend years ago. Doesn’t it feel irresponsible to add another human to this world? It was a conversation we had back when we were single and baby-less, at the height of our idealism with that egotistic need to save the world. Now my friend has two boys she’s determined to singlehandedly raise after she filed for annulment. And I’m still in limbo with my own marital issues while dealing with a highly spirited toddler. You know how that goes.
The day those infallible lines marked the pregnancy test I fumbled with my phone and texted my best friend, “I’m pregnant. I’m terrified.” An equal dread came at my eighth month after looking at other people’s baby photos that flooded my Facebook feed. Something about their little cherub faces annoyed me. What was so special about our race? What’s so good about another statistic adding up to the rising population, pollution, climate change, and death of other species to name a few? I grew distant with my burgeoning belly. Those I talked to blamed hormones. True enough, the minute I saw my child, everything felt right with the world again.
Fast forward to today, the year that has personally been both prosperous and tragic, not to mention all kinds of crazy for the entire planet. I find myself helplessly trying to make sense of this little tyrant that happened to come out of my hoo-ha. What tomorrow are we really giving these kids? Could Whitney Houston actually be wrong? These are the supposed future of a narcissistic, deeply flawed mankind waiting for a drastic tipping point before any change could occur. It’s not like I can shield my child forever from all this crap that we created ourselves.
As I was nursing that last bottle of beer, I expected my best friend to confirm what I already knew. The kids are already here, there’s no turning back. What’s the use answering philosophical questions now? Instead, she gave me a response I never thought would come out of a once I-rather-own-cats-than-have- kids kind of girl. Bringing a child into this world is our love letter to humanity. It’s our response to the sh*t storm we experience, read, and hear about every day.
That in these innocent souls we can hope. Hope that we won’t end our specie with senseless wars and greed and hate. Hope that in our personal struggles to raise a good human being, we produce a domino effect that can change the world. Hope. Because that, with a conscious effort to make things right every second every day, is all we can really do.
I came home and hugged my child extra tight that night. How delicate it is to shape humanity. I realized that I just have to start with my own child and hope that as I teach her what she needs to be it’ll spark a gentle revolution for a future these kids deserve. So take that, 2016. You just taught me a valuable lesson on determination.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya
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