This column may contain strong language, sexual content, adult humor, and other themes that may not be suitable for minors. Parental guidance is strongly advised.
As International Women’s Month unfurls this March, how kind of men to endeavor to figure out the “golden trio” of moves that make heterosexual women orgasm. Recently, findings of a study undertaken by researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University, and the Kinsey Institute were released, revealing how, based on a sample population of 52,000, people between the ages of 18 and 65, reached orgasm, and how often. All the participants said they were in a monogamous relationship.
Turns out the best way to make a woman come is threefold—employ these three moves, and a woman is certainly going to climax:
- Genital stimulation
- Deep kissing
- Oral sex
Of course any woman could have told any man that. It’s not rocket science. But then again, it’s really not surprising that men have been missing the point all this time. Lord knows they’ve been missing the clitoris, too. That would be that small, sensitive female sexual organ located in front of the opening of the vagina.
According to the Museum of Sex, “in over five million years of human evolution, only one organ has come to exist for the sole purpose of providing pleasure—the clitoris. It is not required for reproduction. It doesn’t have a urethra running through it like the penis, and thus, does not urinate. Its sole function—its singular, wonderful purpose—is to make a woman feel good!”
And yet it is for this very reason that less study has been devoted to the clitoris by science than the penis. In 16th century Italy, Mateo Colombo, a surgeon and professor of anatomy surgeon, claimed to have discovered the clitoris (once again, another instance of something not existing until a man puts a name to it, despite the fact that women have lived with the organ all their lives, even during the Renaissance).
Colombo’s discovery was re-imagined as historical fiction in the novel The Anatomist, by the Argentinian writer Federico Andahazi. In the book, Andahazi likens Colombo’s journey as being as significant as the other Colombo, Christopher, who had discovered America.
“Mateo Colombo (the time has come to say it) discovered that which every man has dreamt of at some moment or other: the magic key that unlocks women’s hearts, the secret that governs the mysterious driving force of female love; that which, from the beginnings of History, wizards and witches, shamans and alchemists, have sought by means of brews, all manner of herbs or through the favor of gods or demons; that which every man in love has always longed for, when wounded, through unkindness, by the object of his troubles and sorrows. And also, of course, that which is dreamt of by kings and rulers in their sheer lust for omnipotence: namely, the instrument that subjugates the volatile female will. Mateo Colombo searched, traveled and finally found the ‘sweet land’ he longed for: ‘the organ that governs the love of women.’ The Amor Veneris (such is the name the anatomist gave it, ‘if I may be allowed to give a name to the things by me discovered’) was the true source of power over the slippery, shadowy free will of women.”
Even way back in the 1500’s, there were people scandalized at the notion that women could actually derive pleasure from sex:
“‘To what calamities would Christianity not be subjected if the female object of sin were to fall into the hands of the hosts of Satan?’ the scandalized Doctors of the Church asked. ‘What would become of the profitable business of prostitution if any poor hunchback might obtain the love of the most expensive of courtesans?’ asked the rich proprietors of the splendid Venetian brothels. And, worst of all, what would happen if the daughters of Eve were to discover that, between their legs, they carried the keys to both Heaven and Hell?”
There are, of course, societies, mainly in Africa and the Middle East, that still continue to surgically excise the clitoris all together, but that’s another column for another time.
As for the “golden trio” of moves guaranteed to make a woman come, one of the co-authors of the study, Elizabeth Lloyd, lamented that “about 30% of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect.”
None of the three magic moves are necessarily penetrative, yet the notion of sex as designed primarily for male pleasure persists. Even the majority of porn is created to satisfy men’s fantasies as opposed to women’s.
Moreover, none of the three magic moves are terribly mysterious, despite the enduring notion of the female orgasm being this mythical, elusive thing that is so hard to attain that many women prefer to fake it rather than hurt their partner’s feelings for failing to satisfy them.
Yet the simplest way to ensure satisfaction is also the most obvious: communicate. As the lead author of the research from Chapman University put it, “Women really are tremendously variable in how readily they orgasm and what makes one woman orgasm can be quite different than what makes another woman orgasm. Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key.”
It’s sad, then, that despite the rawness of sex, physically as well as emotionally, we remain afraid, not just of the other person listening to us, but judging us.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published earlier this year by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant.
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