Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
Dear Poppy,
Life has been great so far—I love my job, I’m surrounded with great friends, and I have a boyfriend who is super supportive in everything that I do. We get to do projects as a team which I think makes work much, much better.
Recently, I was offered a great position that I feel would do wonders for my career path, but there is one requirement that I can’t seem to say yes to—that is to move to another country and be stationed there for about two years.
I can’t seem to stomach leaving my boyfriend in Manila and have a long distance relationship, but at the same time, this job opportunity might just be too good to miss.
What do I do, Poppy? I’m seriously split.
—Carla
Hi, Carla.
Are you a fan of long distance relationships? Because I’m not. Like I previously made kwento when someone asked me if she should move in with her boyfriend to another country, LDRs can work if you’ve formed a strong enough bond with your boyfriend. Case in point: my parents had me—their bundle of joy, a bond that they had to support for life.
Maybe you’re thinking: Hey, it’s probably easier now because of technological wonders like messaging apps and Facetime—but that pretty much amounts to nothing compared to someone who is physically lying beside you in bed, waking up to the same mornings and going over the same shit every damn day. I’m not a very text-y person, and I’m terrible at replying to people. I end up hating myself whenever I misinterpret the message, because that’s what it is—it lacks context and emotions, things that are key to communication.
In Carlos Marques-Marcet’s film 10,000 km, you are taken through the painful experience of living out a relationship through Skype. Alex (Natalia Tena, aka Tonks from the Harry Potter series) has to leave her boyfriend Sergei (David Verdaguer, who looks like a DILF version of Devendra Banhart) because of this thing in Los Angeles. They agree to stay together, but like, online. The film is told through iMessages and Skype video calls and it’s devastatingly accurate, playing out like the horror film inside my head about the perils of LDR.
The film also explores how people can change even in the shortest amount of time. Like, two years might seem long, but if you’re busy honing your skills, climbing up the career ladder, it’s going to be a breeze. I’m not saying that change will come just like that. It’s going to brew inside you. Being in another country will expose you to different folks and different strokes. It’s going to be scary at first, but you’re going to blend in. In that process of blending in, you’re already altering a little part of you—shedding your old skin, hoping to fit in this big-ass foreign world.
That’s pretty much how it played out in Olivia M. Lamasan’s classic Sana Maulit Muli. That’s the one where Lea Salonga had to migrate to the U.S. and leave Aga Muhlach behind. But Aga is persistent AF, so he eventually follows Lea only to discover that she’s not the same. She’s… BECOMING AN AMERICAN! Their relationship gets tested and Aga goes back to Manila and in a massive copout from the folks at Star Cinema, we end up with Lea returning to Manila, and she’s rid of everything that made her A POWERFUL AMERICAN to become the Maria Clara that Aga wanted her to be. Bullshit, I know.
At least we can all cheer that for one moment in time, we had Lea flirting around with them Caucasian hotties; wearing those ’90s power suits that made her look so damn powerful. I mean, feelings can change, Carla. It’s nice that you have a very supportive boyfriend that collaborates and cares for you, but what if he’s not really what you need right now?
It’s interesting because your dilemma also points out to Star Cinema’s latest masterpiece, the wonderfully titled How to Be Yours? In the two decades after Sana Maulit Muli, Dan Villegas updates the classic dilemma of “love or career,” weaving them together and tying them up nicely with a pretty bow tie so as not to shatter the hopes and dreams of the general audience. It dilutes the concept to two choices: Choice A—people who choose love over career and Choice B being the other way around.
Look, I hated that stupid movie, but maybe I’m not the target market, or maybe I just hate how the stars had absolutely no chemistry, but at least you’re getting a Star Cinema film that somehow gets rid of the obvious obstacles and stirs things up by zooming in on just two people trying to discover who they really are.
It is possible naman kasi that you’re Choice B muna now and then Choice A later. Like, I really want you to at least give this great career opportunity a chance. You will reap a sh*t ton of experience and it will make you better in the long run. Meanwhile, your boyfriend, if he’s really into you, will still be there. He’s going to be supportive and he’s maybe going to f*ck around while you’re gone, but remember that it’s okay because you can do the same. Pak ganern.
If you are going to decide to stay together, at least make it clear to each other how you are going to move forward. It can be a game plan or an exit strategy. Your call, beh. I know it’s not an easy decision and I hope you have enough time to sort things out, pero it’s fun naman to get out of here for the next two years. Better pa nga if you can extend your stay to about six years, if you know what I’m saying.
Get the f*ck out of here, Carla.
Always,
Poppy
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to [email protected] or post your question over Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AskPoppy, and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya
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