Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
Hi, Poppy!
I hope you’re in the best health upon receiving my letter. And I hope you’ll read my letter.
I’ve been married for eight years already. We have two kids. I married my guy because I liked to settle down with him for the following reasons: he’s from a very good family, he keeps a good job, and he’s also good-looking. I was contented in that idea, putting aside love, because I was told by my family that love makes a person weak. All of my siblings’ marriages were arranged and I was lucky enough to be able to choose who to marry.
I committed myself to the marriage. But eventually, he had to leave his job because of a great job offer that I got abroad. We were happy even if he had to stay home and take care of the kids. I realized there was a problem when it felt like I was the one doing all the work. He tried to get a job, but couldn’t even keep it for more than a year. My contract expired and we had to move back to Manila living in the same situation. We encountered financial problems because my husband still didn’t have a job and my salary was not enough anymore.
He decided to leave with the kids and go to the province at his parent’s place. He said the schooling will be cheaper and his family can take them in and support them. I just cannot believe what I heard when he said that. What kind of a person did I marry? I agreed to his suggestion because I was really fed up with him. And unfortunately, I also cannot support my kid’s education in Manila.
We did not communicate for months. I just called to check my kids. I was left alone and suddenly I resorted to an app on my iPhone to have fun. In this app is where I met a guy who lives in the USA. He’s Filipino. We chatted, we talked, and we even used FaceTime until we developed feelings for each other. I fell in love with this guy because he makes me feel really good. And best of all, we had online sex. It’s so embarrassing to say this but I must admit it got really, really, really better when we did it person. I visited him there and it was the best sex I ever had. Mind blowing, hot, and passionate!
After I came back to Manila we continued our communication and online sex. I forgot that I was married, that I have kids, and all that mattered was this great feeling. Until the day came that he had to marry the mother of his only child who is in the Philippines because, according to him, marrying the mother of his child is the only way to get his daughter. He said he doesn’t really love the woman, but the procedure of bringing his child requires him to marry this woman. It’s the only way he could think of and is affordable to him. Of course I was heartbroken and at the same time understood him. So they got wed last year in the Philippines and he immediately came back to USA. We continued our online relationship. He said he plans to divorce his wife when he eventually gets his child. I don’t know if I should believe him.
I am now back overseas for work with my two kids and I finally separated with my husband. The only thing that’s lacking is the paper to declare that we are now legally separated. Now Poppy, I want to ask if I am a sick person—a psychologically sick one to resort to online relationship, including online sex? Am I stupid to think that there is a chance for me to be together with him? And Poppy, is it okay to have a relationship with him just for the sex? I plan to return to USA soon. By the way Poppy, I didn’t know great sex until I met this guy because my husband suffers from premature ejaculation. Thank you for reading my letter.
—M.V.
Hey, M.V.
Thanks for wishing me the best health. I’m actually really, really fine, except Brangelina broke up and I just knew something was up the minute I saw By the Sea with the love of my life. I, first, would like to applaud you, because you seem like someone who knows what she wants. I applaud you for fighting for what makes you happy. Others might call you selfish for doing what you did, but I totally assure you that you’re not. You’re also not psychologically sick for keep that online relationship, having the best online sex possible even though our Internet speed is basically equivalent to that in Ethiopia, or some other foreign country with poor people.
Here’s the thing about people: you can never really tell if they’re telling the truth. We put up these façades, online and offline, just hiding behind these avatars that we put up. I mean, do you really think that my name is Poppy? Or that I’m a woman? I can be anyone. I can be a really fat nerd who sits in front of his computer all day. I can be a fifty year-old tita of Manila who just happens to curse a lot and scream at people online. The best lesson in Disney’s Enchanted is that Prince Charming can actually be a little piece of shit, one that exists only in fairy tales. Sure, he’s handsome, has a great smile, and can sing really great. But he’s also dumb, narcissistic, and a total momma’s boy. And then here comes McDreamy, your true love’s kiss.
I haven’t seen the third Bridget Jones’ movie, but I hope she ended up with McDreamy. Colin Firth is stiff, old, and boring. I’m just not gonna watch it and imagine that my favorite fattie ended up with McDreamy. Don’t spoil it for me, bes.
I think it’s great that you stood up against your ex. He sounds exactly like Prince Charming from Enchanted. He belongs in an animated make-believe world, and you’re just too real for that. This is the same reason why Angelina probably dumped Brad’s ass. If the rumors are true, he’s being a bad parent daw. Smokes weed and has a bad temper. In truth, I’m actually sorta, kinda like Brad Pitt. I hope my Angelina doesn’t divorce me. I’m doing my best.
Let’s just all make a pact to get rid of all the basura people in our lives, M. Like, if at work, a certain someone doesn’t do his/her job and whines all day and just gives the responsibilities to others, let’s not work with that person ever again. Let’s not give that person the things that we value and just fly her off to Never-Neverland, pretty much like how in The BFG, the Queen of England took all the man-eating giants and shipped them along with crates of snozzcumber seeds off to a deserted island surrounded by an ocean. And those giants hated water. Like, gurl, leave. It’s okay to leave his sorry ass behind. You are powerful and you’re having great sex!
And let’s talk about sex! Great sex means great life! It’s good that you finally know how getting pounded real deep and real hard feels like. I mean, god, after eight years with that premature ejaculator, FINALLY! I don’t think that it’s crazy of you to think that you have a future with this new guy. First, he’s very vocal that he’s into you. Next, he hates that woman that he’s with now and they’re just in it for the kid and the visa (I would do the same, too. I mean, let’s get the f*ck out of this country, right?). Lastly, you’re having great sex! Even if it’s just online sex, it’s still great! But again, always be cautious of this person. There’s a chance that he’s recording all your Skype self-pleasuring; he might be sweet-talking you; he could be another Prince Charming in the making. There’s a number of things that might be in your head right now, and you need time to assess whether or not he’s the real deal.
If he’s not, but you’re still having great sex… I’d say go ahead, play his games. And also play your own game with others. You’re separated, you have your beautiful kids with you, and once you’re in America, the land of opportunities, you can start fresh. You can f*ck around, but please don’t f*ck around when it comes to your children. No matter how big of a douchebag their father was, they’re still your kids. I would say put your children first and then your kalandian right there in second place.
More than sex, I hope this new guy loves you back. “How do you spell love,” Piglet asked. Here’s what Winnie the Pooh replied: “You don’t spell love, you feel it.”
So to spend a life of endless bliss, just find who you’ll f*ck through Tinder, sis.
All the best,
Poppy
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to [email protected] or post your question over Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AskPoppy, and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya
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