Preen.ph
  • Home
  • Profiles
  • Fashion
  • Culture
  • Beauty
  • Food
  • Space
  • Events
  • Inquirer.net
  • Lifestyle
Social Accounts
82K
14K
5K
4K
  • Home
  • Contact
  • About
82K Likes
14K Followers
5K Followers
4K Subscribers
Subscribe
Preen.ph
Preen.ph
  • Home
  • Profiles
  • Fashion
  • Culture
  • Beauty
  • Food
  • Space
  • Events
  • Inquirer.net
  • Lifestyle
  • Culture
  • TV

A real-life bondage performer reviews Netflix’s ‘Bonding’

  • Posted on May 20, 2019May 20, 2019
  • 5 minute read
  • B. del Rio
Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0

View this post on Instagram

Me acabo de ver #Bonding una mini serie muy buena de @netflixlat @netflixes. Trata sobre una estudiante de psicología que se gana la vida como dominatrix. ¿A ustedes les gusta dominar o ser dominados? ¿Les gustan los látigos, que los amarren y golpeen? 😏😏😏😀😀😀 ¿O suavecito? 😅😅😅 . . . #netflix #dominatrix #serie #miniserie #poster #pic #photography #picture #image #imagen #domina #sex #life #love

A post shared by Mr. Paisaland (@jhonfserna) on Apr 25, 2019 at 1:41pm PDT

If you linger on the Netflix home screen, I’m sure you’ve noticed the show Bonding. Their teaser was attention-grabbing, that’s for sure. I admit, I was enthralled enough to check it out. My take? It was… different. I’m not just talking about the short format (the episodes lasted an average of 15 minutes.) Basically, it’s about a gay man who became the  assistant of his former bestfried, Tiff, who moonlights as a dominatrix (aka domme)—defined by Merriam-Webster as “a woman who physically or psychologically dominates her partner in a sadomasochistic encounter.”

It sounds wild, but it’s actually based on the real-life experiences of writer, producer and director Rightor Doyle. “As a young gay man still struggling with my own sexuality, guarding the door while one of my best friends from home tied a naked man to a four poster bed and whipped him was jarring to say the least, but to my surprise it eventually freed me of some of my own sexual hang ups,” he revealed on Instagram. “As we experience the beginnings of the cultural shift brought on in part by the #MeToo movement, the funny, wild stories from that time in my life began to refocus themselves as allegories on power, secrets, and consent,” he continued. “I saw the mischievous idiocy of a frightened young gay man and his fearless female best friend as a perfect (even fun?) way of dissecting the many ways the patriarchy has had a stranglehold over sexuality and shame.”

View this post on Instagram

I wasn’t sure what to write or post today. It’s a very overwhelming and wonderful thing to be seen and heard this way. So I decided to show you the letter I wrote to critics when we were trying to get them to look at Bonding in a sea of competitive content. I hope this illuminates where I and the show are coming from. There are too many people to thank, so I’ll do it off the damn internet. But I just wanted to say thank you for watching. This is a dream come true.

A post shared by Rightor Doyle (@rightordoyle) on Apr 24, 2019 at 10:57am PDT

His statement was actually in response to criticisms—particularly, from dommes themselves who argued that the show was an extremely inaccurate representation of what they do.

In line with this, I spoke with rope model Trisha O’ Bannon. To clear it up, she explained, “Basically a rope model allows a rope top/rigger to tie them up, either for photos or a performance.” Trisha was one of the many from the real BDSM community who watched the show. “I was excited, albeit a bit skeptical especially because I saw some pro-dommes on my Twitter feed criticize parts of it,” she told me. “But I thought I’d give it a chance, even if it wasn’t accurate, since it could still be enjoyable.”

While she admitted that there were some parts she did find enjoyable, there were several that ultimately “soured the experience” for her. She explained,  “Not only was it inaccurate—which is to be expected when you translate this kind of thing into film or TV—but there were some wildly harmful practices as well.”

She noted that the show “makes fun of the kinks presented, while also somehow looking down on sex workers in general.” She particularly mentioned the scene where Tiff asserted that she isn’t a prostitute. “She says there’s nothing wrong with that, but it still seems unnecessary, like it’s supposed to be easier to root for her just because she doesn’t sleep with her clients,” Trisha pointed out.

She also said that she thinks the portrayal of Tiff as “cold [and] emotionally closed off” hurts the public’s perception on their community. “Most dommes I know are warm, inviting, open, and confident, both in their vanilla and kink lives,” she said. Trisha further talked  about the technical inaccuracies, like in the rope work, or the clothing she’s wearing. “Even though she’s supposed to be a popular domme, she doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing, she said. “Her character rarely engages with BDSM and sex work safely, the way that most experienced dommes do.”

Apart from the inaccurate portrayal of dommes, according to Trisha, “It also depicts most clients as either weirdos or violent assholes—or obsessive, as with her lifestyle slave.” She shared that generally speaking, clients are actually “very respectful of boundaries” in real life—“especially because crossing those boundaries will mean that you can no longer work with that domme again—and more often than not, a larger network of dommes. They usually ask for references from previous mistresses!” she revealed.

Trisha also mentioned an issue with the marketing. To promote the show, Netflix set up an account for Mistress May—Tiff’s domme persona. She was even verified by Twitter. One of her tweets read, “Now accepting clients.” Trisha explained that this angered a lot of dommes because a lot of them actually had their profiles “suspended or completely shut down for doing the exact same thing, except for real.” She explained that due to SESTA-FOSTA legislation in the US—a law that makes it ”easier to cut down on illegal sex trafficking online,” a lot of dommes “are being taken off social media and other online platforms—the same platforms that help them earn money.”

Agree. The whole series is an insult to our industry. We are good enough to parody on a main stream TV but otherwise we are shadowbanned and blocked.

— Mistress Simone #Berlin 5/27-6/2 #Paris 6/3-5 (@chicagomistress) April 24, 2019

But above everything, Trisha told me her biggest issue with the show was  how Mistress May “treats—or more accurately, abandons—consent when it’s convenient… And it’s played for laughs.”

She enumerates the scene where Tiff forced her friend into becoming her assistant without his consent, the time she made him participate in acts he wasn’t informed about and did not consent to, and when she allowed a completely untrained—and reluctant—person to participate in risky acts with her clients.

“There’s literally a scene where she says ‘I don’t tell you things beforehand because I know you’d say no’ and that’s a big no-no in the community,” Trisha pointed out. She also mentioned the scene where a husband and wife discover they have different kinks, and they reach a compromise (“Great!”), but they also look rather traumatized from the compromise.

The main thing that bothered me was not only the missed opportunity to bring in the theme of consent in a clever way, but in #BondingNetflix consent is horrifically absent. Consent is something the BDSM community, and especially the PRO BDSM community learned very well.

— Domina M in Paris (@DominaM) April 25, 2019

I think it’s interesting that to justify his show, Rightor mentioned #MeToo–a movement which focused on our society’s lack of regard for consent in sexual acts—when Bonding clearly failed in that aspect.

The lesson here? Like most dommes iterated, when talking about something as sensitive as this, an individual’s personal experiences may not be enough. It’s still best to have at hand consultants from the industry who can join the writing table.

Didn't *HATE* #BONDiNGNetflix, but I didn't like it either. Painfully obvious no one was consulted on this, though "Based on a true story." Was he an "assistant" for a week, 20 years ago with a fuzzy memory?

— Domina M in Paris (@DominaM) April 25, 2019

Hey @NetflixLifee @netflix how about you get actual BDSMrs to write and consult on a show about our community instead of whatever #BondingNetflix is. As a lifestyler and sex worker I'm not impressed with how badly you are portraying us. Do better #BondingNetflixisnotkink

— NicoleMoonONeal (@NicoleMoonONeal) April 25, 2019

In this case especially, BDSM is already a misunderstood industry. To use it merely as a tool “for laughs,” as Trisha said, while in the process, promote harmful truths—is just irresponsible.  

 

Photo courtesy of @johnfserna’s Instagram account

For the latest in culture, fashion, beauty, and celebrities, subscribe to our weekly newsletter here  

Follow Preen on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Viber

Related stories:
A few qualms about Christian Grey’s concept of marriage
Someone made a viral rape joke, but why am I not laughing?
Meet the two women who are tackling sex positivity
Two Filipinas created an online platform for our sex ed needs

Action Required!

We embed Facebook Comments plugin to allow you to leave comment at our website using your Facebook account. It may collects your IP address, your web browser User Agent, store and retrieve cookies on your browser, embed additional tracking, and monitor your interaction with the commenting interface, including correlating your Facebook account with whatever action you take within the interface (such as “liking” someone’s comment, replying to other comments), if you are logged into Facebook. For more information about how this data may be used, please see Facebook’s data privacy policy: https://www.facebook.com/about/privacy/update.

Accept    Decline

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Share 0
Related Topics
  • BDSM
  • Bonding
  • culture
  • Trisha O' Bannon
  • tv
Previous Article
  • Culture
  • Politics

We don’t believe having four female senators is a win for feminism

  • Posted on May 20, 2019May 21, 2019
  • Jacqueline Arias
View Post
Next Article
  • Culture
  • LGBT

This redesigned Pride flag may be the new LGBTQ+ symbol

  • Posted on May 21, 2019
  • B. del Rio
View Post
You May Also Like
View Post
  • Culture
  • Culture Stories
  • Relationships

An essay about my first loves who I hope I never meet again

  • Posted on February 26, 2021February 27, 2021
  • Zofiya Acosta
preen nct ten best dance videos
View Post
  • Culture
  • Music

NCT Ten’s top 5 dance videos that prove he’s one of K-Pop’s bests

  • Posted on February 25, 2021February 25, 2021
  • Amrie Cruz
preen filipino spotify podcasts
View Post
  • Culture
  • Podcasts

7 ultrapersonal Filipino podcasts for your weekday senti moments

  • Posted on February 24, 2021February 24, 2021
  • Amrie Cruz
preen budjang documantary
View Post
  • Culture
  • LGBT
  • Movies

How a docu on a Muslim trans official helped lobby for anti-discrimination

  • Posted on February 23, 2021February 23, 2021
  • Amrie Cruz
Editors’ Picks
  • Time’s Up Ateneo wants schools to be survivor-centered when dealing with sexual harassment
    • Posted on February 15, 2021February 19, 2021
    • 8 minute read
  • 4 online adult toy stores to hit up because LBR you need it, sis
    • Posted on February 12, 2021February 19, 2021
    • 6 minute read
  • preen horny for feelings videos
    Binge these videos if you’re touch starved and horny for feelings
    • Posted on February 11, 2021February 19, 2021
    • 4 minute read
  • 6 trans and nonbinary professionals on navigating the working world
    • Posted on February 8, 2021February 9, 2021
    • 18 minute read
  • ‘True Beauty’ should come with a trigger warning
    • Posted on February 2, 2021February 9, 2021
    • 3 minute read
Social Accounts
82K
14K
5K
4K
Like us on facebook
Subscribe to our Newsletter
about
Preen.ph © 2020. Hinge Inquirer Publications, Inc.
  • Home
  • Profiles
  • Fashion
  • Culture
  • Beauty
  • Food
  • Space
  • Events
  • Inquirer.net
  • Lifestyle
Social Accounts

Input your search keywords and press Enter.