As I write this, I’m currently wearing much less than I’d be comfortable going out in, even if I were headed to the beach. Not that it’s advisable to leave the security of your own home unless it’s for important reasons nowadays (please take quarantining seriously), but it’s a day many would normally be reveling in—birds are singing and the sun is shining with hardly a cloud in the sky.
It’s really humid.
The sun is shining.
The sun is shining a lot.
In light of this, it’s come to my attention that there’s another viral challenge making the rounds on TikTok, and it’s possibly viral in more than one sense. See, with how hot it gets around this time of year (#climatechange) people tend to kill their ACs and do silly things to try and stay cool. (N)ice, I’ve got no problems with that, generally. What I do take umbrage with is when people do absolutely nonsensical things that could lead to long-term problems.
Don’t believe me when I say that people do stupid things in the name of an internet challenge?
Extreme planking.
The cereal challenge.
Kicking bottles open.
Tide freaking pods.
I rest my case.
So, what is it that’s got my panties in a twist this time? Funnily, it’s something that involves panties. Or what’s inside panties. Or what’s in that general area of your anatomy if you go commando, no judging.
Girls are shoving ice cubes up their vaginas. For TikTok. Because of course they are.
Unlike the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, which made the rounds in 2014 and subsequent years to raise awareness of and raise money for treatment of Lou Gehrig’s Disease, I couldn’t find anything similar for the Ice Ice Baby(chute). Based on multiple hours of research that I swear wasn’t just me spending slightly more time on TikTok than usual, the most I can make of it is that people think shoving bits of frozen cloudwater up their vaginas cures depression and helps… tighten them up?
Okay, okay. No.
Shoving smooth chunks of sky-pee up your privates IS NOT going to miraculously cure depression, and if you’re worried about not being tight enough then I’ve got bad news for your boyfriends (or girlfriends, or either depending on their choice of toy). There is no science to back any of this up, and I mean peer-reviewed studies conducted by medical professionals, not just any random person who can afford to pay upkeep for a blog or Wix site (definitely not a sponsor for this piece).
What is almost guaranteed to happen though is that the introduction of water to your favorite taco could upset its rigidly-regulated pH balance and leave you open to all sorts of infections!
Look, I hate the idea of becoming a stodgy old schoolmarm wearing granny panties (which to be fair are really comfy) and telling people not to have fun, but when it comes to people potentially doing lasting harm to themselves, I’m jumping right into those oversized breeches and whipping out the wooden ruler. Have fun, explore your body and stick whatever it is you want wherever it is you want, just make sure that it isn’t going to do you harm.
Also don’t fall for pseudoscientific bullsh—[Editor here, cutting the article before she goes off on another rant. Have a good day, and stay healthy!].
Art by Tricia Guevara
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