IN PARTNERSHIP WITH KOTEX
In ancient times, men feared women because of their periods. It most likely freaked them out that we could bleed every month and still act like nothing is happening—as if it’s the very source of our strength. They weren’t far from the truth and indeed, the blood is the last thing they should fear. [Insert collective laugh of all women in the world]
Periods train women for life. The entire 28 day cycle, and not just the period, gives us different abilities. It takes so much guts to handle Aunt Flo until you’re a pro. Every month brings a new set of challenges as periods can be temperamental but guess what? It’s just like life! So can you imagine dealing with everything you have to 24/7 while experiencing a physical and emotional rollercoaster? You can’t? Most likely it’s because you’re not a woman. And honestly, we’re sad you don’t get this kind of monthly training.
The way we see it having a period gives you superhuman abilities that help not just to deal with it, but also with anything that life throws at it you.
#1 Predicting the future
Do you know that moment when Raven Simone is about to get a premonition and her face turns all funny? That’s actually a reality for women when the red tide arrives. But we, women of the world, have harnessed that ability for good rather than evil. Apps like Clue, Pink Pad, Flo, and Eve give us the ability to know exactly when Aunt Flo will come, when we are fertile, when we are PMS-ing. And that information helps us know when to plan events, errands, and everything else. So don’t be surprised if you ask us why we know what will have 21 days from now. We just do.
#2 Cloaking ability
Nothing makes women more afraid than the thought of leaks. And also the idea that our clothes give away how periods make us feel: miserable. So our periods make us want to dress our best to give us that boost. We avoid white pants and skirts for a bit but that’s okay since denim and prints are in anyway. And when we are free of the red plague, we’re happy and dress that way too. So, no, you can’t really tell what’s happening to us but you can always count on us looking good.
#3 The Mary Poppins trick
You know how women always seem to always have the right thing everywhere they go? We have nail clippers, hand sanitizers, safety pins, pens, Swiss Army knives, eyelash glue, lipgloss, keys, paperclips, flash drives, and so on at the drop of a hat. It’s because of our period! No matter how good our precognition skills are, periods can still surprise us. But we’re smarter—so we keep sanitary pads like Kotex Luxe almost everywhere: in our makeup kit, in the glove compartment of our car, at our desk, among our files; in our bag…you get it.
#4 There’s no such thing as kryptonite
Superman may have a weakness, women don’t. When you can say no to a salt-laden snack or some chocolates because you want to avoid feeling bloated during your period, you’re almost indestructible. Periods train us to eat well so we can feel better on red days and also when we PMS. Our bodies rewards us for the good things we do, and trust us, the payback when we don’t treat it right comes sevenfold during our period. Those green smoothies you think are bitter and tasteless? To women they just make us stronger over Aunt Flo.
#5 With great power comes great responsibility
The meme of a monster ripping our insides is an actual description of menstrual pain, not a metaphor. When you have the power to repopulate nations, it can feel overwhelming, you see. But you can see how women stop, step back, and take in a deep breath? Rather than letting the monster loose and our hormonal instincts take over a full on war, we just remind ourselves to keep it easy. We know how to wash blood out of anything, others can’t. Wink.
These are just a few superpowers women have because of their period. We are the only beings that can shed blood every month from our bodies and still function perfectly. In fact, without this said ability, children won’t be born, which leads to the eventual fall of civilization as we know it. No wonder men of yore fear us.
Click here to buy your own pack of Kotex Luxe—because period or not, she can!
Art by Marian Hukom
So how are you going to solve period pain?
Beat period cramps with food from your pantry
If Putin was a woman, menstruation would be the last reason for his bad days
You buy more clothes and makeup when you’re fertile