It should be common decency that when someone turns down a date (or hook-up) invitation, it’s time to back off. But there are times that no matter how uninterested you are, there will be people who don’t know how to take a hint—and they don’t have the same approaches, too. Women shouldn’t have to adjust to this type of sh*tty behavior but, just in case, here are the types of persistent dudes you need to watch out for.
Have you encountered a guy who tries to ask you again after some time, hoping that you’d finally say yes? They’re what I’d like to call “second-chancers” because they think that a certain amount of time will change your mind. It gets especially annoying when said guys don’t even make an effort to get to know you and just pops up to ask you on a date even after you said no. Hey, buddy, this isn’t a Spotify subscription that you can renew every month.
These are the guys who try to bribe you into saying yes after you rejected them just minutes before. They’re most likely the types who’ll say, “I’ll treat you to dinner!” or “I’ll stop bothering you, just go on a date with me!” A no is a no, not maybe—embed that in your brains.
We discussed before how softboys would use kindness to manipulate someone’s feelings. In this context though, there are guys who will be nice to you then sort of guilt-trip you when you turn them down. It’s the typical “I was nice to you, why don’t you say yes?” type of bait. Just a reminder: If you’re not interested in them or not ready to date for whatever reason, you’re not obliged to say yes because of their good morals. Don’t let them use their efforts and kindness to coerce you.
This is a subcategory of the softboy where the guy you turned down will make a big deal of being “friendzoned” to guilt-trip you. Admit it, you might get a tiny feeling of wanting to give him another chance but don’t fall into the trap. In the first place, the friendzone was created by guys who think women owe them emotional reciprocation. (This also applies to women who get rejected by guys. Don’t be that victim.)
Uses the friend bridge
Guys are either contacting your friend or asking his own group to bridge the gap between you two. Yes, this can happen a lot when friends want to pair you with someone. But this doesn’t seem right anymore after you’ve said no to a guy already. This can also pave the way for second-chancers who will pester you from time to time through your friends. If only we could block people in real life.
Speaking of friends, a guy’s group sometimes don’t know how to take a hint too. They’re the kind of people who will try to push him towards you because they want to help a dude out. But it’s always at the expense of the woman’s comfort and privacy. So, please, don’t force your guy regardless of how much they like someone. You’re only creating an even bigger barrier and y’all are just coming off as annoying.
This can be quite extreme in a sense that they’ll still flirt with you via text or social media, as well as be touchy in person. This type of guy won’t care if you already said no to him, he will still harass you into saying yes and won’t be subtle about it. You know what you should do when it becomes too much? Call the cops on them. Boy, bye!
Art by Marian Hukom
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The softboy and how being nice shouldn’t be enough
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How many times do we have to say that “no means no”?